Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize