I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
