Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
