And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
