well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
