Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
