Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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