so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
