just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
