Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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