There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
