And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
