I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize