I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
50% drunk capacity currently
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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