im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
