like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
