Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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