just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
