ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
