guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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