You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
FUCK WHALES
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
