dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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