so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
