I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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