If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will pee on everything he values.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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