I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
