proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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