the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
