Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
