Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
