Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
