Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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