I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
