just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
