you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
