Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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