he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
