Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize