If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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