he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish i was in the wii world.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
