think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Panties = found
Randomize
