And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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