Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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