I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I did not marry a roomba.
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