I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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