Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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