I looked at my own cervix.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
