Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
