Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
