i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
