They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize