hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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