fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I FOUND THE LEGS
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