So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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