Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
