I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
