Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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