Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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