Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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