The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
