I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
