Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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