Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
