dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
