remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
