The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
