I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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