dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
