i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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