shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
