I smell stomach acid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
