You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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