she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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